Day.... Erm... I can't remember. Can't be bothered to.

Groan....

It's been 10 days since my previous entry. I'm horribly horribly behind in updating my life and thoughts but HEY! It means I was busy and business is a welcome distraction. Especially when it's this fun! :)

Been swamped by work these days.... writing vijay scripts, links, voiceovers, cutting trailers and movie segments, doing studio shoot. Man! I can do this forever! I CAN I CAN!!

Recently, some of my dance pals have been telling me that their peers in their mid twenties are already married with kids. And I was like NO KIDDING!

Then people around me were like pop, pop, pop... getting married or engaged. And I rememebered My Best Friend's Wedding and saw the trailer to upcoming movie The Wedding Date.

It just totally make me sick to think that just a while ago I was contemplating the same thing.

But no, it was not meant to be.

I had nightmares of so and so marrying his new squeeze TWICE thru these times. And they were horrid. Woke up feeling uneasy the whole day.

So I have made a NEW RESOLUTION!

Yes, girls.... CJ has a new resolution. And that is to GET MARRIED BEFORE SO AND SO DOES!!!

Why? Because I refuse to be a miserable jealous ex sobbing away on his wedding day, thinking that it should have been me there with him, me in the beautiful wedding gown, me sharing the great times with him.... After 2 years of good times, that it should have been me to celebrate that holy matrimony.

Even if by then I have moved on totally, I know I'll still be bitten by pangs of regret and the memories will come flashing back and I'll try to regain that past again. It's ineveitable.

And to avoid that situation. The most convenient thing will be to get hitched before he does. Simple. It's a kill 2 birds with one stone thing cos then, he'll be the one feeling the pang of loss.

Humans are inherently selfish possessive creatures. Whatever was once ours, we want it to be ours forever. Even if it's not meant to be. And I do admit I'm guilty of that.

Okok.... enough of sad ramblings.

I've shifted from French jazzmatazz into Rachmaninov mode these days. Oh my dear Rachie, if only you were still alive! I used to tell myself that I would marry anyone who would serenade me with Rachmaninov's Concerto No. 2. All 3 movements of it.. which comes up to about 30 mins of continuous playing. hehe

Because anyone with enough patience to master it, with enough technical brilliance and enough soul to carry it through is a man worth my life.

His music is so haunting and beautiful and universal that it can move anybody to tears. Every year, the SSO will perform some work of his... either a piano concerto or his symphony. And every one of these performances will get close to full house. THAT's how powerful Rachie is. not just because he's rich or smart or powerful in the more tangible sense, but because he can move people with his creation. And that is SOO important I think....

That the greatest thing one can leave behind is not one's fortune. And definitely not tonnes and tonnes of photos.... Rather, it's stuff like that that leaves a legacy. Literary classics, great paintings, music, films.

I don't want to be known as this super-rich multi-billionaire who had a great (scandalous) life. Come on.... Do people actually LIKE Donald Trump as a person? They envy him for his wealth... but he has kinda become the butt of people's jokes... a caricature of a person MORE than actually BEING a person.

Like Tuesday With Morrie so aptly put, think of what you want on your tombstone and what you want to hear at your funeral AND LIVE IT OUT.

Recently watched Finding Neverland and it's really a sweet poignant film that warms one's heart. You realise that there're so many things sweet and beautiful in this world to live for... like children playing and my favourite scene--- sunlight shining on green green grass and trees.

I want to visit the Kew Gardens, the Kensington Gardens, the Tuileries... So many many beautiful places. I wanna spend A YEAR in the Louvre. And study music in some quaint German music institute like my piano teacher.

But at the mo, life is just about as good as it gets. I mean.. how many people want my job? ahhahaa.... It's not really a job at all.

And at the mo, my pursuit is in dance.. while my body can still take it.

Soo.. *contented sigh*.... I'm happy. *beams*

Before I sign off, gotta explain the song slightly. It's the title track from the OST of CLOSER starring Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts. Really soulful and haunting.

Enjoy!

THE BLOWER'S DAUGHTER--- DAMIEN RICE

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new