Perhaps. Love.

Watched Perhaps Love today.

It's a beautiful chinese musical show starring Takeshi Kaneshiro, Zhou Xun and Jackie Cheung. Really quite impressive for a Chinese theatre affair, but sometimes the singing gets a bit off, but that's besides the point.

The point is that I cried so much like I haven't cried in a long time. Nope, it's not that it's exceptionally touching or what. Mabbe it's the combination of stirring music with the leads looking so lovelorn and lost. Mabbe it's their pure and simple first love that made me remember how it all was with so and so and I. Mabbe it's just cos I haven't cried in a long long while.
So i let the tear-ducts go. Twas a great feeling I must say! :) I do enjoy crying my heart out in movies!

Had dinner and a discussion with so and so about us. The background is that we're on the open dating concept. ie. dating each other while still dating other people. Mabbe it's giving our relationship a chance, a new lease of life... or maybe it's just holding on to false hopes when there is nothing left. But anyway, he wanted to know how I would feel/react if he got serious about someone. And I threw it back at him. Here's the answer.

He would be okay with it. And as I pondered, rationally, I should be alright. After all, I'm not his girlfriend anymore and it's been a year. But he guessed that I'd react badly. I just said I wouldn't know until it actually happened. but really.... I'm pretty disturbed by what he said.

Then again, I've no cause for concern, cos contenders for his place outnumber contenders for my place. ie. my bees outnumber and out-qualify his butterflies, as he'd like to put it. But this being a disturbance to my mental wellbeing, the solution is clear cut. I have to be attached before he does. And as I've been telling him, I'm ready and I feel like loving someone with all my heart again. Completely and hopelessly be devoted to a special someone.

That's the gist of it. And at the end of the talk, I was tearing cos it so felt like it's the last conversation we were going to have even though I'll still see him every week. It was so sad.... and emotions poured forth, from the movie, from being repressed and made to sound nonchalent when I do care. I can't pretend I don't.

From Perhaps Love and so and so's talk, I had an epiphany about love and life: Sometimes, when you can't be with the person, it's not because you're not good enough, but because too many things have happened to set you apart.

Circumstances do push people away in this day and age despite all the "free love" that we believe in. Sure, in the days of old, it was much harder--- family backgrounds, caste systems, countries at wars, etc. You'd think that people who're in love now have it easier with all these dated rules and dire circumstances out of the way. But WRONG!

The Modern Man is too complex, complicated, and intelligent for his own good. Circumstances no longer push people apart, but rather, it's the knots in people's hearts that cause all the wrongdoing. Yes.. the knots, the entanglements, the mindblocks. In chinese, we call it "xin1 jie2".

People put up an act, play mind games. And I think it poisons pure and simple love.

I do regret the things I've said and done sometimes, and I think he does too. But they've happened and we can't take it back. And cos we're both not stupid, we tend to read too much into words, setting the clockwork of the relationship's demise in motion.

In conclusion, the world may be wiser, but definitely not lovelier.... because it lacks love.

Do you believe in the magic of Christmas? That it spread love all around a la Love Actually?