Strange Coincidences

Funny how everyone around me thinks about the same stuff around the same time.

Read about Existential philosophy on mr tan's webbie and about Synchronicity on bewitched's webbie... They're not the same but all relate to life in general... the spiritual sciences.

Yours sincerely did some reading up and me thinks I need an existential investigator in my life to sort out a general direction for me a la "I Heart Huckabee" *why don't I remember seeing this in theatres? Did I miss such a grand movie??*

... Or maybe I should just adopt a religion soon so I'll have more direction and stop thinking about mrD the incredible ass.

But anyway, the Satre phrase that "Man is condemned to be free" made extra sense to me today, while I watched Lilya 4-ever.

It's an hauntingly sorrowful movie about a young girl forced into prostitution. Quite nicely shot, sometimes in MTV style, sometimes just plain experimental, but i digress. It's quite a painful watch cos though short (2h), it's incredibly depressing from start to finish. You see the life of this precocious young person systematically decline and she suffers abuse and more abuse. There were so much rape I cried for her... And if this movie reflects the situation of sex slavery and child prostitution in the world (which i think it does), then the world is positively sick.

But ultimately, it's because of a series of wrong choices that landed her in hot soup, even if her reasons for making those decisions were compelling. Herein lies the crux of "Man is condemned to be free".

We're not free to be free per se, but more like free to choose the path we take. If it is between a good path and bad path, good. But what if we had to choose between 2 hell holes like Lilya? She chose the seemingly better options at first, but they always turn out to lead to an option with far greater evil. And so it is that MAN is Condemed, because the freedom to choose may lead o slavery.

Such hopelessness and despair in the film! Seldom have I watched something so terrible and disturbing!

On to the immediate issue at hand, mr D. The background is he and I met everyday for the past 5 days. Yes, sick I know. We both had too much of each other and we're both bored. And if I knew he was only asking me out cos he lacked company and I was the convenient choice, why did I choose to go out with him? Only to land myself in this limbo situation when we're half in half out of a relationship, and him saying he hopes to revive sparks with his ex before me. And there I was mulling over how things will turn out if I got serious with a new bee I'm dating. And I was so afriad of liking the new person so much that I'll have to leave him... cos I think i'll prolly cry buckets if I've to leave him. And all the while, he's been thinking about some other girl not worth mentioning here while in my company!!!???

Why did I even fall for it when he obviously doesn't cherish my company in the 1st place? Bloody hell! So yea, right now I'm condemned. Cos i'm quite hurt and disgusted by what he did and then said. Didn't he specifically say he doesn't wanna hurt me anymore? Then why give in to his own weakness and get me out when he doesn't really care? COMPLETE ASS!!!

I am friggin' condemned by my own weakness.... and I think him too. Sigh

For info on the phrase, look here:

http://www.nimbinaustralia.com/zenwatt/condemnedtobefree.html

On the issue of synchronicity, why did his ex b4 me suddenly become single during this period? Why do they have to date on friday when he's at his lowest and neediest to be with someone? And why is it that my hot date's that time too? Everything's happening together. And there is a reason for it... Does it mean that we're separating for good this time?

And it really doesn't help that he proposed on Monday in the most ridiculously UN-romantic Singaporean fashion. ie. "Do you wanna get engaged after you grad so we can register for a flat?" then go on to say he talks rubbish. *how can anyone marry such a person?*

mr tan says I'm sadomasochistic. I friggin' am. And bewitched said she's seen many weird couples in her life... and I've just added to the list. And JZ said she forbids me to meet mr D ever again cos he seriously threatens my mental wellbeing.

As for my date, PMS has caused a massive zit outbreak and water retention, so I not only have a disgusting face, but a bloated body. How worse can it get? Plus I've shitloads of stuff to settle for FYP.

Anyway, to recap on the topics today, I've been condemned to make silly choices. And synchronicities ain't helping me!

MAN! I gotta stop being a weakling!!! I gotta date and date and date... and not fall back into the rut of familiar company!